Through the years one of the areas that I have wrestled with is my love for comfort. I’m probably not much different from the next person…I never have liked trials and suffering. And when all is well I have a tendency to think that I have my world under control. Recently God has gone to work refining me in this area. In the process I am learning the difference between trusting God and trusting in my own strength and understanding. Being a recovering control freak, these lessons have rarely come easily.
And God certainly has gotten my attention during those difficult times when comfort seems like an elusive dream. It seems that he mainly uses this time to rescue me by showing me the idols of my heart. I ran across this verse in Job that says it well—
…by means of their suffering, he rescues those who suffer. For he gets their attention through adversity. (Job 36:15 – NLT)
I’ve started to listen to myself and how I respond to trials and have found myself saying, “God…could you please give me a break?” Like I said, I love comfort. And there lies my problem. Anything that obsesses me, other than God, becomes my personal prison. There is nothing wrong with desiring comfort…until I raise that desire to a demand…until I find myself trying to find ways to wiggle out of the uncomfortable situation, or demanding that God make me comfortable. Thus, the thing I must confess is that at times I love comfort more than I love God.
Lydia Brownback, in her book called Trust, a Godly Woman’s Adornment, puts it this way—
Ongoing trials tempt us to turn away from God because at some level we have an expectation that God’s quota for testing us has been sufficiently filled for a season…The Bible never says that a bad patch inevitably will be followed by a good one, in this life anyway…God’s plan for our good is often radically different from our plans…The very thing we want God to fix may be the instrument to teach you to depend on him rather than on yourself or on peaceful circumstances.
So how do I keep my heart in check? Today I received an email from Peacemaker’s Ministry with some good questions to reveal the true condition of my heart. I’ve written them in my journal so that I can prayerfully consider what the Spirit is teaching me—
- What am I preoccupied with? What is the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thing on my mind at night?
- How would I answer, “If only ___________, then I would be happy, fulfilled, and secure?
- What do I want to preserve or to avoid at all costs?
- Where do I put my trust?
- What do I fear?
- When a certain desire is not met, do I feel frustration, anxiety, resentment, bitterness, anger or depression?
- Is there something I desire so much that I am willing to disappoint or hurt others in order to have it?
Putting anything, even comfort, in God’s place is serious business. I am so glad for his forgiveness. I am so thankful that he sees Jesus when he sees me. I deserve his wrath, yet he has had mercy on me. God is pleased with me because he is pleased with Jesus. I am so thankful for his grace!
And as difficult as this is to say, I’m thankful for those times that are uncomfortable. Whether daily inconveniences or major trials, these times are great indications of what is in my heart and can deepen my relationship with Christ.
I’m encouraged by Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase of Isaiah 43:2-3—
Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you. I’ve called your name. You’re mine. When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you. When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down. When you’re between a rock and a hard place, it won’t be a dead end—Because I am your God, your personal God, the Holy of Israel, your savior.
Helplessly Hopeful 